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Whoops Christmas!

by Miscellaneous Plumbing Fixtures

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Early one morning december 21st Mrs Claus came a wandering she dyin’ of thirst the toy warehouse was barren and the lights were dim and no little elves could be seen within when from far back in the complex up at the north pole she heard a musical raucous erupt with funk and soul She took a few steps closer this band was really swinging there was Rudolph on bass and ol' papa Claus was singing he was also shreddin’ a real sweet axe the elves were on upright piano standing on each others backs Mrs Claus thought baby if I can’t beat em I’ll join em and she sat down at the kit and hit that big bass drum They’re having a boogie woogie Christmas full of rock n roll they are lighting up the sky above the old north pole if you’ve been good or bad this year they don’t care all will be redeemed, if they let the blues fill the air why bother with a present if by February you don’t use it this year’s santa’s bringing you some sweet sweet music Well Christmas eve is just 3 days away Santa says "we gotta figure out exactly what to play" we’re doin’ a whistle stop tour every house in one night so we better make sure we get the chord change right we’re gonna knock their stockings off with our kicking fat beat smiles in every home and all the cookies we can eat So on Christmas morn little Johnny wonders down stairs he looks bemused as the whole living room is bare under the tree no gifts and no confection but Santa’s coming down the chimney followed by the horn section they play real nice set and they get the whole place swinging and by the end everyone on the whole block is singing Let’s have a boogie woogie Christmas let’s tap toes and clap hands and listen to some real funky music from some first rate bands And by the break of day Santa and the elves are back at the pole you won’t need worthless trinkets you’ll have music in your soul take this brother may it serve you well without a rockabilly beat this whole world is going to hell so next year when someone asks and your present you have to choose it don’t say nothing but that sweet sweet music Once it’s in your heart you just can’t loose it it’s that boogie boogie rockabilly funk soul music
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So as we come to the end of 2016 the world seems to be falling apart there’s hate and bigotry ignorance and insanity and more regurgitated pop hits rising up the charts there is death and war and russian hacking and the climate is well and truly wrecked we’re staring into the void in disbelief as Donald Trump is the president elect but don’t worry because in a few days it will be Christmas and you’ll be sat around a table hopefully stuffing your face with food and that nagging itch of desperation and depression you’ll feel just put it to the back of your mind and let joy, laughter and love be the only things that are real So maybe your significant others gone and left you and taken all your favourite stuff or everyone around you is sick with flu and you’ve really had enough liars, scumbags and thieves are soon to be in office their trigger happy fingers on a nuke Simon Cowell and Gordon Ramsey still on TV it’s enough to make you puke it’s not wrong to sometimes ignore all the madness between fake and real news you’ll go quite insane your outrage levels will be shooting through the roof you’re like John Cusack when he’s standing in the rain sometimes you should step back and just be silly and realize no one nowhere really knows what’s going on and the world will travel round the sun one more time next year unless Trump starts World War III and in which case we’ll all be gone
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A collection of as many of my silly Christmas singles as I could find. Enjoy!

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released December 16, 2013

Written, produced, all instruments and vocals by Jon Cross of Miscellaneous Plumbing Fixtures.

Copyright Om/No Productions Music 2013

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Miscellaneous Plumbing Fixtures New Milford, Connecticut

Songwriting and banging your instruments together

The main thing I love to do is write songs. I pick up various instruments from ukulele to piano, accordion to percussion and electric guitar to harmonica and bang them about to try and get close to the noises I hear in my head but the writing comes first. ... more

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