Songs from Apt​.​1E

by Miscellaneous Plumbing Fixtures

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When I moved to New York I found it a hugely inspiring city (as do 99.9% of people I am sure) and although I had only been here a little over a year when this album was finished it represents the 3rd album I had written here and the 2nd of my, specifically, 'New York' albums.

While the subject matter may sometimes drift and stretch outside the reaches of these magical and iconic 5 boroughs and while the style of music is definitely more rural, all the songs were composed, very much, from within the city looking out.


released July 1, 2010

Guitar, Mandolin, Banjo, Ukulele, Percussion, Keyboard, Harmonica, Vocals - Jon Cross

Recorded at Om/No Studios, Manhattan.

All songs written, performed, produced & mixed by Jon Cross.

℗ 2011 Miscellaneous Plumbing Music © 2011 Miscellaneous Plumbing Music. The copyright of this recording is owned by Jon Cross & Miscellaneous Plumbing Music. All rights reserved.

Original Released 01 July 2010



all rights reserved
Track Name: The man with the biggest hands in the world
The man
with the biggest hands in the world
is wearing
your yellow canary feather coat
The man
with the biggest hands in the world
has got me
by the throat

His girl
has the longest hair in the world
she is staring
as the steam boat springs a leak
and the girl
with the longest hair in the world
writes down
They don't pay me enough to speak

and the clown hears the commotion
sticks his head up through the floor and asks
"what did I just miss"
and from under half a century of paperwork
a voice says
"There must be a simpler way than this"

The doctor with the brightest smile in the world
has an earring
and says his faith is what makes him feel alive
The doctor shows off the brightest smile in the world
while at the back of the captive audience
the troubadour is fighting to survive

and the juggler holds up the bookstore
wearing a t-shirt that says
"I only love what I can kiss"
and as the owner hands over everything
he feels makes him a man he sighs
"There must be a simpler way than this"

The commuter
who has the furthest commute in the world
is past caring
take away polystyrene tray throne
because the commuter
who's on the longest commute in the world
never reaches but is always half way back on his way

and the strong man tells the camera
the reward is worth the risk
but in the back of his always moving mind
he knows
there is a simpler way than this
Track Name: The River
This morning
let's spend this morning on the river
and we did
we spent the morning on the river
plot the course and paddle true
in this shoe box made for two
on the river.

let's see just how far we can go
time's not turning us around
this place is all I need to know

This New England air
sharp and fresh out on the river
and except for our canoe
all is peaceful on the river
smoking chimney on the blank faced home
the only clue we're not alone
on the river.

and you're telling stories from the back
wandering would we survive out here
in the case of a zombie attack

October's grey light
it's another world out on the river
and from now on
I spend every morning on the river
nothing else will bother me
now I know tomorrow I will be
on the river

and although by now I'm miles away
a busy life, a happy home, an ok job
in my mind it's there that I will stay
Track Name: I Love You (Blues in the key of A)
I love you
that's why I wrote this song
for you
I love you darling
that's why I wrote this song
for you
I'm a man of meagre means
this is the best thing I can do

I tried to keep it simple baby
just as simple as I could
Yeah I kept it simple darling
just as simple as I could
It's got a real simple message
Loving you feels far too good

It just keeps getting better
every day more than the last
It just keeps getting better darling
this day is better than the one just passed
I want to stop and hold you for one moment
life moves by too fast

I love you
these words from me come easily
around you
I love you darling
these words just fall out when I'm
around you
even the reason doesn't matter darling
I just want you to know. I do.

and you just keep getting better
each day we just get closer than before
we just keep getting better darling
today we're closer than the day before
I want to stop and gaze at you for one moment
this is what living's for.
Track Name: The future of travel is the hot air balloon
Why are you always
in such a hurry
in a place
this convenient
it's not as if technology
misses a trick
so why is it?
why is it?

there's nothing
anymore that's hidden
you just pay more
for a pretty display
and as the money
runs out we'll go
I'll be a hunter again
some day

will you meet me
my love in the woods
or be waiting back at the
cabin for me
We'll travel everywhere
in a hot air balloon
wait and see
wait and see

somewhere it's
somebody's birthday
and somewhere
they're laying someone
to rest
in the forrest we'll
dispose of the calendar
one less thing to
get of my chest

will you stay up here
till the fire runs out
and float above the
earth with me
just you smile could keep
me suspended
wait and see
wait and see
Track Name: Heartland Blues
corner store
I'm glad it's 24 hour
a loaded pistol
the mood is sour
a magazine
it should be you on the cover
just hold the hood
and keep the
engine turning over

It's like I'm inside
out on the island
let's see if there's a beat
down in the heartland
it's in the little details
the fact and
what's imagined
I'll bet the mortgage
you wish it
could've happened
to you

It's the initial release
the breath escapes
between your fingers
the film you start to
edit behind your eyes
with the words of
better singers
that just keep falling
out of tiny little speakers

I want to stand
behind the water
hardly hear a thing
until this party's over
everything I've read
says this place could
not be better
let's order in and
put ourselves together

keep your head down
switch off your thoughts
no one likes a whiner
no one likes to get caught
close it off
that's why they sell headphones
no one likes a winner
please just leave it alone

there's nothing in there
worth saving
you would do yourself
a favour
if you bothered shaving
I hear the myth
it doesn't bare repeating
if that is what it's come to
I'm glad we're over heating
Track Name: I Spent All Day
I spent all day
In my Canadian tuxedo shirt
I spent all day
Till there was nothing left to spend
I spent all day
planting seeds and slinging dirt
I spent all day
Like it was never going to end

I spent all day
Underneath shards of broken stars
I spent all day
in the middle of a yawn
I spent all day
In a world without cars
I spent all day
the first one out the door

and the buildings and the bikers
the flags and fountains too
where the nation started teething
and saying 'out the way I'm coming through'
little round top and the butterscotch sky
fixed bayonets they cried
the excitement captured on video
before the last of them had died

I spent all day
with a raw and ragged mind
I spent all day
filled to the brim
I spent all day
Gordon and work combined
I spent all day
learning to swim

But with those dreams of North Carolina
The fly swatter and the shack
Up on top of the Chimney
all these memories flooding back
It was us and hardly anyone else
Underneath a rough and tumble sky
Lincoln caught out in a downpour
Wraps it up and waves goodbye

I would spend all day
the ant in your shoe
if it was the only way
to get close to you
Track Name: The Air Conditioner's Song
I am the air conditioner
Manually Installed
resting on a paint tray shelf
I won't go quietly
into the good night
but I'm there
when you need
some time to yourself

I am the last minute commuter
get out of my way
I've got to make the six
but in this case
I'm also the doors
and the others will just stare
as I swear
to get my kicks

Like the coins in the fountain
some are wishes
some are rust
when you spend
all your time in the water
how can you know who to trust

I am the vampire in the office
away from the window
I've no need to tan
in here the photocopier's
a drunken tap dancer
you have to find the music
where you can


like all the pieces of paper
some are clues
and some lead you astray
I hope all the pieces of paper
burn one day

I am the United States Road Atlas
I was just another thing you
needed for your scheme
but now We'll carve ourselves a place
into the coastline of Maine
because the cardboard in the rubbish
read "Be all you can dream"
Track Name: Gettysburg
Gold hedgerow
another mile to go
the hats, the covered bridge
and the wheat
slow slow
and watch out below
I bet the air up there
is sweet

it's quite all right
I'm as high as a kite
I got the road,
I got the girl
I got the green
the corner maybe tight
let's stay here tonight
this is the prettiest
little town I've ever seen

I really can't believe
the battle left this beauty
from the chaos there has
sprung a calm
you don't get wonder
if you're not prepared
to struggle
and don't leave
your post unguarded
if you don't want
to come to harm

I wish we had more
the ghost will take the tour
I want the steak,
I want the lights,
I want the moon
it's not like before
the cop is checking
every door
and you know
we'll be checking out

by the old man's cane
the local's pray for rain
take me out
beyond the barn
to the solitary tree
I didn't get the name
I hope this dog is tame
I really love it when
you handed the wheel
to me.

when we get a moment
let's stop and eat
when we get a moment
lets see who we can meet
when we get a moment
when we get a moment
Track Name: The Cat That got Away
I am catching flies and
40 winks down in the subway
someone plucked the feather
from the old man's hat
these pipes are boiling,
the building's fit to burst
these high pitched brake pads
need replacing
to put this baby in reverse

I'm turning down the sequel
if that's your big idea
no one is going to buy me
as the hero I fear
tear out the second act
you just need girls and a fast car
keep on your wide angle lenses
and make this city your star

I'm standing on the side lines
they file in two by two
neither one is sure about his tie
too many of these spineless cooks
have over egged the stew
and the headmaster's not the only
one with his finger's in the pie

Charlie's on the ledge
it must be all the weather
This place grinds to a halt
when faced with an umbrella
I've had it with these stairway
phones at the end of a long day
give me dreams of future farmyards
and the cat that got away

I thought I'd been around the block
but I've been mis-reading the map
if what they say on televisions true
all the closet skeleton's I meet
think the world might still be flat
and this is why i thank the sky
I wake up next to you

I am catching flies and 40 winks
when I'm underground
So I'm not awake
when another fight breaks out
I've had it with these slow coach
clowns at the end of a long day
give me dreams of future farmyards
and the cat that got away
Track Name: One Night at the Camp
the air is an ice box
the flames are roasting
throw another drum on the fire
let's give that crackle
a back beat
one we can all admire

can't see a thing in the woods
but from the sound they're alive
hang harmonicas up in the branches
let's give the air
a melody
we don't want to take any chances

one night at the camp
lets not stop the music
one night at the camp
let them sing until the first sign of day
one night at the camp
tell your tall tales
to the loons on the lake
lets hope the man with
a hook for a hand
stays away

the water is treacle
the boat is a biscuit
use the trombone to paddle us out
brass can always
give us momentum
and it means I don't have to shout

the stars are the markers
on the fretboard sky
on the power lines I'll pick out a tune
play the riff
like the song is ending
the sun will be coming up soon
Track Name: Autumn Winded Me #2
The leaves are hanging on for dear life
while autumn winded me
Yes the leaves are hanging on for dear life
while autumn winded me
wrapped up in scarves and hats
with my woman
is where I want to be

Let's kick the guts from this avenue
and hang the diners out to dry
Let's kick the guts from this avenue
and hang the diners out to dry
it's all automated these days
and I can't see the
wood for the sky

Roll Roll Roll We've got to Roll
Tom has waved us on
Tom waves us on
Roll Roll Roll We've got to Roll

and then we're gone

the beasts that claim the road
picking over bones we left behind
The beasts outside claiming the road
picking over bones we left behind
they never asked us what we wanted
I guess they thought we wouldn't mind

Someone must've told the devil
where we were living
He's on the corner waiting to
make his play
Someone must've told the devil
where we were living
He's on the corner waiting to
make his play
I guess he doesn't realise
I could hide out here quite
easily all day
Track Name: City Stories
Coloured splashes on the window
from the diner's weather soaked sign
Hank is finishing up a crossword
with a sigh he checks the time
pats his pocket for his flick knife
and grins a 50s smile
drops his change in the saucer
won't be back here for a while
he thinks
won't be back here for a while

somewhere across the city
Jones is clearing out his desk
all evidence must be destroyed
he just can't take the risk
the delete procedure on the screen
is up to 75 percent
he can hear the agents on the stairs
they need to believe he's innocent
he hopes
they believe he's innocent

I heard the street musician
wearing science fiction fancy dress
sing these city stories
and from every window on the block
like a fairy tale's damsel in distress
they are shouting city stories
each block is many stories high
there's more to this street than meets the eye

Betsy is waiting on the platform
the station clock reads a quarter to nine
she got the money from the locker as instructed
fingers crossed everything is going to be fine
she's followed the instructions to the letter
and been careful not to make a mistake
she wasn't followed and she never called the police
so how come he's 15 minutes late
she's worried
he's running 15 minutes late

I heard the preacher in the park
putting his horse before cart during chess
his sermon's a city story
and from every window on the block
like a fairy tale's damsel in distress
they are shouting city stories
each block is many stories high
there's more to this street than meets the eye
Track Name: Part of the scenery
I try
to stay out the way
say my piece
move away
I'm not wanting
to let anyone down
just ride the rails
not make a sound

at this point I like it
when you and me
are just part
of the scenery
this land is beautiful
so much to see
I want to take my time
relaxed and free

and I know sometimes
feels like I left some things behind
wishing I was two places at a time
just know that wherever I am
I'm trying as hard as I can

mornings pass
come rain or shine
if it all goes to hell
still got this one thing that's mine
if they forgive
then maybe I'll forget
it's all about the journey
and it's not over yet

one more round
then it's time to go
I can predict the ending
of this one man show
it's been a clockwork evening
my brown eyed girl
your hand in mine is home
to me you mean the world

and I know from out of the blue
feels like I haven't thought things through
wishing there weren't as many little things to do
just know that, when you don't understand
I'm trying as hard as I can
Track Name: Laundry Day
Deep voices over headphones
A dog in a bag
side by side when it's single file
95 is a drag
all over and no Lou Ferrigno
leaves brass with nothing to say
hot footing it home in record time
mama it's laundry day

The moon, if we could see it, is a hi-hat cymbal
there's meant to be a punch line before the roll
I got old man's opinions but I bought 'em brand new
don't pick at it, if you don't want a hole
I could not believe my eyes, you get all that and more
put 20 down with 30 left to play
I'll get you there on time if my poor old feet can make it
mama it's laundry day

Got to get em up
shake the water from your sleeve
get that garden alive
if you can't help to hang em
then it's best that you just leave
and in future don't bother to arrive
afterwards we party
like it's 1964
and Ed Sullivan
is out there fighting crime
I'll tell you bout the music
and what all the efforts for
as the laundry is dancing
on the line

What is all the hold up, we've got a better place to go to
she says she'd rather model for the queen
how could you hate the city
when there's so much to rebuild
and it takes all the kings men, to keep the horses clean
I'll never get tired of waking up beside you
lets make our hundreds then we'll get away
I'll carry you as far as I can before my back gives out
mama it's laundry day.
Track Name: The Corner of Mott and Canal
Taxi took a tumble
Times Square is on fire
Take the hobo subway
down town
dim sum for breakfast
columbus park's alive
but the hobo isn't
wanted around

The air is like
an un-nessercary overcoat
sell your aunty for
a drop of rain
walk a mile in my shoes
and there'll be nothing left
hide all the headlines
I'm going insane

The old timers are inspiring
with their far east twang
random percussion fills
my heart
The discovery that there
are still things
that can knock you off your feet
is not a solution but it feels
like a start

This heat is like
The devil's come ashore
and these street's will run with sulphur pretty soon
I don't know how you have
the energy to sing so high
hang the lanterns and roll out the dragon beneath a chinatown moon.