Monkey Music From The Man Cave

by Miscellaneous Plumbing Fixtures



This is the first of my New York inspired albums and the 4th album of original songs I properly produced. Everything on the album either tells a story about or is based on my early observations about living in this city and, funnily enough, my thoughts haven't changed much and I still love it here.

It's one of my favourites and I think has some really fun and interesting arrangements on it.

A video for the song "Six Doughnuts" featuring PUPPETS is now up on YouTube -


released September 1, 2009

Guitars, Percussion, Organ, Piano, Keyboard, Harmonica, Kazoo and Vocals - Jon Cross
Vocals - Jon Wallace

Recorded at Om/No Studios, Manhattan.

All songs written, arranged, produced and performed by Jon Cross
Except 'Black N White' which was written by and performed with Jon Wallace

℗ 2013 Miscellaneous Plumbing Music
© 2013 Miscellaneous Plumbing Music.
The copyright of this recording is owned by Jon Cross & Miscellaneous Plumbing Music. All rights reserved.



all rights reserved
Track Name: The New York Rain
City streets
meet and greets
car horn music
taxi cabs
and shopping bags
I just couldn't lose it
everything is clearer
but nothing is plain

I got baptised in the New York Rain
I got baptised in the New York Rain

7 eleven
burger heaven
and hot dog stands
steams a risin'
and everyone has plans
except me
but I can't complain

I got baptised in the New York Rain
I got baptised in the New York Rain

upper east or west
which is the best
Both the rivers are pleasin'
Time square
I have no time to go there
not in the tourist season
and these storms in July
keep the humidity sane


I got baptised in the New York Rain
I got baptised in the New York Rain

subways rumble
tramps all mumble
the park is a sight
all lit up at night
there's the cinemas
a thousand bars
the village
and the fumes of cars
empire state
you took the bait
and now you have
an empty slate
you feel like you can start again

when you get
baptised in the New York Rain
I got baptised in the New York Rain
Track Name: Some Days
everyone's under
a colourful ceiling
like a 1930s dance number
they move through the rain
and I know where they're are going
and I know what they're feeling
it's time I was returning
back home again

There's nothing quite like
turning the corner
I've got the music in my ears
and a destination in sight
no matter the time
and no matter the weather
you're always there waiting for me
every night

And I'm not sure I could do it
if there was a chance things would change
when I return and it's empty
it always feels strange
it's not the same without the music
it's not the same without the air
there'd be no point in returning
if you weren't there.


and some days there's no picnic
and some days there's roses
and some days there's showers
and some days the sun
and some days there's a ceiling
but some days there's no colour
and I hope there's someone
some day for everyone

and as I'm walking
I have a purpose
and it's not the crowds of people
and it's not the scenery
I can't get through the many doors
quick enough
because I know you're there
waiting for me
Track Name: Idle Talk Costs Lives
I'm happy here
the corner of 81st and third
the restaurant's pavement tables
are filled with folk and
sometimes I like their voices
and other times they get right on my nerves
but from the evening air
I pluck every word that they just spoke

There's an actor amused
hiding up the shame behind mascara
this rendezvous gone south
and now blind panic is setting in
with some it's operations
and others it's nervous laughter
in the end it's not where you're headed
but all the places that you've been

From your room you hear the world
feel the heat and get the girl
steal bits of conversation
from a late night reservation
show your hand and write the stories
of past adventures and former glories
and tomorrow when you wake up
you will do it all again

This gorilla's getting nothing
she thinks this steak is over cooked
opposite he's hoping she likes the food
in this place
out the back the chef is singing
practicing for tomorrow's karaoke
the griddle pan's a banjo
the mop an upright bass

From this room you count the stars
hear the footsteps and the cars
the night time blossom up above
falls on a couple as they fall in love
draw the lines and join the dots
shake your tablets bang the pots
and tomorrow when you wake up
you will do it all again

From when they meet to when they part
discussing politics and art
under this city beats a heart
that's tearing all these seats apart
and in this heat you could strike a spark
that could light up all the park
If idle talk costs lives
then no one here survives
Track Name: Small Town Boy
He grew up in Egg Salad, North Dakota
they hung chicken's feet above his cot
his father drove a 1957 Chevrolet Corvette
his mother showed him how to tie a knot
and when he came of age they bought him a suit and tie
and he finished up himself with a pitch black trilby hat
he went to prom with a shy girl in a limousine
but they had to walk some of the way when the car got a flat

He got arrested stealing lipstick from a drug store
in court he said it was a gift for his gran
but although it was her colour, it didn't stop the gossip
and with nothing but his shame, he took to his heels and ran
they say he went to Canada and got himself a trade
some say he hitch-hiked down to Baton Rouge
the truth was not as glamourous, he did some time inside
then he hit rock bottom and had nothing left to lose

He's a small town boy
eyes full of diamonds and chrome
they can travel the world
see the sights get the girl
but they're always on their way back home
a small town boy is always coming home

His high school sweetheart never gave up
she had a detective hot on his trail
they followed every bread crumb that lead straight to his door
found out he had a job in New York City sorting everybody's mail
they finally got married on the Staten Island ferry
had their honeymoon in a village on the coast of Maine
and when they made riches from their rags, they both packed their bags
and headed back to North Dakota again

He's a small town boy
but he doesn't have to go it alone
he has travelled the world
seen the sights and got the girl
and now they're on their way back home
a small town boy and girl
are always on their way back home
Track Name: Thick Fog Up On The 21st Floor
The fog is so thick up here on the 21st floor
that there's hardly a single building you can see
and I bet down there it's all umbrellas and plastic bag boots
I know at this moment, where I would rather be

There's just something about the way you can't shake off the mist
it's the kind of thing I wish you could capture somehow
I rush home and the first thing I go for is my camera
I take as many pictures as the locals will allow

and this city's a slice of magic with it's head in the clouds
am I the only one who doesn't want summer to start
There's something about the grey
that makes me wish it would stay
and if you stop and stare closely it might show you its heart.

It's an overcoat morning on an overcast day
and I'd rather not take another step down these stairs
and while everyone else is all wet haired and flustered
it feels the water has washed away my cares

The trees in the park, they can't drink another drop
and everything looks so lush and so green
There's something beautifully calm
when the rains so big and warm
and the streets look so pretty when they're clean

and at night there is thunder and lightening
and we lie awake listening to the storm
there's a comfort and a safety to this darkness
when outside it's fierce inside it's warm

The fog is still thick up here on the 21st floor
but someone's pouring sun through a crack
and although the grey starts to shift momentarily
I whisper to the sun please stay back
Track Name: I Read Your Book...
I read your book
I couldn't put you down
I boarded your midnight bus
and rode it all round town

I watched your TV show
I couldn't turn you off
You're the direction
whenever I get lost

You're the fresh air
You are the ground
You're everywhere
in every sound

I played all your albums
I couldn't drown you out
you're the answer to my question
without a doubt

You are the butter
you are the bread
you are the clean warm sheets
on my bed
You are the soft breath
on my leaves
you're the trick
up my sleeve

I climbed your tower
I couldn't get enough of the view
I swam in your ocean
and your pale pools of blue

You are the music
You're in the beat
You are late night sidewalk tables
on the street
You are all the reasons
I have to be glad
You are the best review
I've ever had
Track Name: Maybe This Time
Hudson River
is crowded
things keep falling in
but I remember
the fireworks
of red and green
I remember the people
and the camera phones
and the hours it took
to get home.

The town halls
are crowded
things have got out of hand
and look at
the faces
don't know if they'll ever
try to understand
but I remember not
that long ago
the fan fares
and the matching band
when for the briefest
of moments
we all rose to stand and sing

Maybe this time
Maybe this time
Maybe this time

The world seems
over crowded
just can't find a place
to breathe
every newspaper
on either side
is getting harder to
but I remember
weekends back when
I'd never want to leave
every moment was
It seems hard to believe
but who knows

Maybe this time
Maybe this time
Maybe this time
Track Name: They're Putting Up Scaffolding
When cleaning windows in the city
you only need one thing
they're putting up scaffolding
Hank spent all the money in the kitty
just to here her sing
they're putting up scaffolding
She wanted a holiday and all
he got her was a ring
they're putting up scaffolding
a bottle's a good bet
if you don't know what to bring
they're putting up scaffolding.

shape up ship out
it's time to see everything
they're putting up scaffolding
when your food is done
you're going to hear a little ping
they're putting up scaffolding
it's not often in this life
you get a chance to be king
they're putting up scaffolding
you ain't got a thing if
you ain't got that swing
they're putting up scaffolding.

They are putting up scaffolding
They are putting it up everywhere
They are putting up scaffolding
one minute it's not and then it's there
They are putting up scaffolding

ha ha ha
Track Name: A Thousand Lifetimes
I'll take the skyline
as it's dancing in your eye line
I'll grab this moment and carry it wherever I go
with a head full of wonderful melody
and my heart taking up the beat
You'll be shaking hands with the sunset
before you know

I kicked the devil from my shoulder
it gets old now that I'm older
There's no mistake he can teach me I haven't already made
and with you helping clear out the leaves
I can now see the wood from the trees
and there isn't a reason left
on this earth
to be afraid

When you lie with me
I wish there could be
a few more hours in the night
Sometimes I wish
I had a thousand lifetimes
so I could just get one of them right

If I could get together all the voices
then each one by one would sing your praises
and the sound of your name would fill the air
When your feet can't stop from tappin'
you got the rhythm and the passion
and I'll let sweet glorious music
take me there

When you smile again
and take my hand
I'll follow where you lead
and sometimes I realise
that this one lifetime
is the only one I'll ever need

Well the horse is at the water
and he's drunk the river dry
The choir sung for all their worth till the sky grew dark
The prophet arrived at the all night diner
in a black cadillac and with a pork pie hat
and because you
trusted in his words
you'll always have my heart
Track Name: Empty On Its Side Shoe Day
I have nothing to do today
it's an empty on it's side shoe day
The bricks are piling up outside I see
I hope they never notice me
I don't have the energy to make
polite repartee or to smile and shake
your hand
I don't want to be another brick
please turn your head and pick on
someone who gives a damn.

I have something to do today
I'm late I better be on my way
The work is piling up inside I see
I wonder if they'll notice me
I don't have the time to make excuses
you just can't see what the use is
you're going berserk
but at least it keeps me out of trouble
if only they would pay me double
for half the work

from a caterpillar morning
to not enough of a night
from sweaty sundays sulking
at the dying of the light
from the west coast to the east coast
and all that comes between
you can take comfort in the journey
and in everything you've seen

I have the world laid at my feet today
but I might put it off till I get paid
The bricks have formed a wall outside I see
I'll have to find another exit for me
I don't have the patience to be polite
and I don't want to start a fight
over seating
It's time we took another trip
when the visitors have left the ship
over heating
Track Name: Six Doughnuts
You step out from the subway
single file there's scaffolding
weary ears are filled with sounds
from car horns to a telephones ring
the voices mix with smoke
it's as if the earth is on fire
it billows up and over head
chokes the birds off the wire

and I think I'd like it if I was them
knowing I could fly away
but choosing to stay

you keep the same routine
yet everyone you see is new
with dogs it's hard to keep the pavement clean
no matter what the owners do
six doughnuts and you get six free
as if six wasn't enough for anyone
six seems quite a lot to me
but I never see the store without a line a mile long

Well I guess a deals a deal
that's the way they want to see it
that's the way they want to play
At this point I'm so tired I can't tell if this is real
either walk at a decent pace
or get the hell out of my way

the bulldogs are out again
it's the same dogs as always
but always a different walker
and at the corner cafe
it seems that every pretty girl
has her own private stalker
free pick up and free delivery
we wouldn't want you
to have to raise a finger
it's a wonder these days
anything gets done
when there are so many places
for us all to linger

but I guess this seals the deal
that's the way we want to see it
that's the way we want to play
at this point there's no layers left to peal
so either say your piece or
get the hell out of my way

there's something for everyone
on the street vendor stalls
that litter this well worn
from bootleg dvds
to knock off sunglasses
and dirty magazines
but none of them
I suspect will do you any good
Track Name: I'm Not From Anywhere
I'm not from anywhere
as I never stayed anywhere too long
I guess you could say I'm from everywhere
always looking for where I belong
ooooh oooooh X2

Right now I like it where I am
I've liked other places too
I've been lucky without a plan
I like it anywhere when I'm with you
ooooh oooooh x2

One day we'll have our home on the river
a little boat
with which we will explore
and when we're there I will take
a little moment
to think of all the places that have come before

There's no breeze in here tonight
I'm sweating buckets and counting back from 29
the bugs in here put up little or no fight
looking at the clock I need more time

One day we'll have an empire of our very own
and from in our boat
we will survey our land
and we'll be happy with all we have achieved
and looking back will help us

I am excited about
what is to come
while still enjoying
every moment of today
and I'm excited about
what came before
and wouldn't have it
any other way
Track Name: You are the Road, You are the Diner
There's a road in Colorado
in the shadow of the Rockies
where the train track follows the bends of the river
and along which cargo trains drag their load
you are that road
you are that road

and in London there's a stretch of the south bank
from the book stalls to the wharf
and they've hung little coloured lights in the trees
and there's a magic that paints a smile on my face
you are that place
you are that place

You're a Coney Island sunset
You're a Tooting Balcony
You're a fog drenched Coast Highway
A place in the clouds where we had tea
You're that wedding chapel in Las Vegas
You're those Pennsylvanian hills
You're the laying out of cushions up in Archway
You're the reservoir so still
and I know you'll always be
these things to me.

There's a Diner in LA
it was our favourite place to go
and after the film we sat and I had breakfast at the counter
and I looked at you and my life could not be finer
You are that diner
You are that diner

There's a bridge in New York City
where after work I like to walk
and as I come over from Brooklyn I catch my breath
because all of a sudden, the whole city before me is unfurled
You are that bridge
You are my world

You're the romantic restaurant on second
You're that Indiana farm
You are Williams Arizona
and the Caboose hotel that had so much charm
You're sunset at the Grand Canyon
The open air cinema where we watched the Thing
The Plaza Theatre in El Paso
you're where I'm going and where I've been
and I know you'll always be
these things to me.